Mormons Like Analogies

The other day, a Mormon friend told me pain she endured listening to a talk at church. She reported that the speaker based his talk on an analogy: "The gospel is a lot like football." The speaker made the following points: football requires action, the gospel requires action; football requires you to be mentally engaged, the gospel requires you to be mentally engaged; practicing football with good players improves your game, hanging out with uplifting people improves your life. All good points, but I guess it did come as somewhat of a relief that the speaker did not try to find a gospel analog to "in football you wear a jock strap" or “after a football game, the locker room smells like death warmed over.”

My friend went on to make the point that she has heard essentially the same talk in various forms: the gospel is a lot like golf, the gospel is a lot like playing an instrument, and so on and so on. Upon reflection, I noted that since the Olympics, I have heard Mormons talk about how living the gospel is a lot like preparing for the Olympics. “It is my hope and prayer, Brother and Sisters that as strive to be more righteous, we may learn to swim like Michael Phelps… or any other creature of the sea.” (Okay, I didn’t hear that quote, but I wished I had.) Anyways, it occurred to me that my friend is right: when it comes to spouting off analogies, Mormons are like automatic sprinkler systems… or is it auctioneers at the state fair—I forget. Analogies ranks high on the list of stuff Mormons like.

It’s not just the ward house where you will hear analogies. General Authorities of the church love them too. And why shouldn’t they? They are Mormons. Just consider some of the analogies we have heard during the past few general conferences: The gospel is like a recipe; making mistakes in life is similar to an airplane flight off a few degrees; becoming a better person is similar to an athlete training for the high jump; prioritizing our life is like the old marketing scheme of the Sears Roebuck Company; and—a personal favorite— spiritual rebirth is like pickling cucumbers.

Some Mormons rely on analogies arising out of popular culture. So don’t be surprised if you hear analogies relating gospel topics to movies like "Star Wars," "Lord of the Rings," and "Battlestar Galatcia." The same friend who got me thinking Mormons and analogies told me about a guy in her old ward in England. He talked about the gospel being just like "Braveheart" and even likened the Mel Gibson's character to Joseph Smith. Fetch! I would have loved to heard that talk. In all frankness and as a public service to Mormons, I do add a cautionary side note that I would not recommend that Mormons liken anything in a sacrament talk to "Sex in the City" or "Big Love."

Those who really want to push the analogy talk often try an object lesson. While this is still fair game during most of church, the church very recently asked Mormons not bring in objects for object lessons for sacrament meeting talks any more. While I do not think anyone left the church over this, some people understandably felt disappointed. Does that mean that the person that talks about resurrection can’t bring in the glove and tell us that the hand represents the spirit and the glove is the body? It seems that if this is going to happen over the pulpit—at least within the rules—people will have to resort to using their imaginations and perhaps a little pantomime.

On a personal note, I admit that I do feel a little sad about this. One of the better Mormon talks I heard this year had a great prop—the parable of the stinky sandal. Though another friend recently told me that in some ways she felt that this was a good thing. Apparently in her ward, a memorable object lesson proved quite the distraction. Apparently, the speaker likened sin to a chain. To illustrate his point, this Mormon literally wrapped his body with a twenty-pound dog chain as he spoke. While the chain rattled and banged on the pulpit and floor, what really distracted the audience was that the weight of the chain began to pull on itself, causing the speaker to begin to choke because he had wrapped the chain—among other places—around his neck. Ultimately, he was okay, but still, it was a little worrisome for a moment.

Hum... So a guy completely unnecessarily wrapped a dog chain around his neck and almost choked to death because of it... I don’t know, to me anyways, it seems that there is analogy in their somewhere.

* If you have an analogies you have heard or wished you had heard, this is the place to share them.