Mormons Like the Family Photo

If you ever get a chance to go into the a Mormon home, keep your eyes open for the Mormon family photo. Actually, you don't need to go that far. Just don't close your eyes, and you should see the family photo in no time at all. This is because Mormons generally proudly display the family photo.

You might think, sure Mormons like to take pictures of their families, what else would they put on their family blogs or in their scrapbooks? To be clear, the family photo is not just a picture of family members. It is THE picture of family members.

So, if you run across the family photo, how will you know it is the family photo? Well, Mormons generally like staged photos, typically with family members dressed in coordinated outfits sitting around in an orderly, yet comfortable manner. The picture will be taken by a professional--or at least someone who charges for their services. But, the easiest way to know that the picture you are seeing is the family photo is by the way the family members are dressed.

So, what is so telling about the way Mormons dress in the family photo? It is not that the Mormon family dress abnormally... after all Mormons like to be considered normal and ideally a "higher grade" of normal. The reason that the dress will stick out is because the family members will carefully coordinate the way they dress.

The most common dress theme is that of jeans or khakis with a solid color shirt--often a Polo shirt or nice t-shirt. This sort of photo says "We are comfortable being who we are" while also providing an important caveat "... so long as our picture looks like those found in every other Mormon's home." If the picture is to stand out, Mormons are much more likely to buy a nice frame or a larger print.

Some families really dress up, tuxedos, nice dresses, and everything. When you find a family all decked up in their family photo, the family wants to communicate something quite simple: "We recently had a wedding in the family and the photographer threw this in as a bonus."

Why coordinate dress? One theory is that this is a way for the Mormon family to show solidarity. It says we are in this together, through thick and thin. What sort of adversity might the family face? The thing that immediately comes to mind is the adversity in getting the family photo itself. Why is it painful? First, someone is going to have to shell out a pretty penny for a pretty photo. Additionally, most photographers do not make things any easier. For example, why does the photographer insist on calling family members cute nicknames during the photo shoot? Is "Mr. Flopsy Topsy" really a good name for brother or "Miss Giggles" right for sister? Mormons do not insist on calling the photographer, Lil' Lensy Pie, so why do photographers use such cutsie names when taking the family photo? What is particularly disconcerting is that most Mormons have gone to great lengths to give their kids solid Mormon names. Additionally, it is often a real task to get the Mormon family to give the photographer the perfect, serene and happy moment to capture. In reality, it is quite the accomplishment just to get dad to get his picture taken without fry sauce on his chin.

What should we make of the Mormon family photo? At one level, these photos are are a way to say to the world, "we are normal... or at least look normal." For Mormons that have angst about the evil world, the Mormon family photo is a reassuring way for Mormons to say to themselves "at least these people like me." But, it is more than that too. It is also a way of saying, "Hey, visitor to my home, I am a Mormon. Can't you tell by this photo?" Lastly, it is a way for Mormons to show how important family is to them and how happy their families make them--even if their families are not as perfect as their family photos might suggest.

Mormons Like the Fourth of July

Let me start out by saying, I understand not all Mormons celebrate the Fourth of July. Not all Mormons live in the United States or pledge allegiance to the Red, White and Blue. Still, for those who do, they really, really like the Fourth of July.

Many Mormons start off the day with a ward or neighborhood breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and there is no better way of saying that than a greasy grill and fake orange juice. Mormons moving in a new neighborhood cross their fingers the Boy Scouts are not in charge of this breakfast because if they are, more often than not, their pancakes will resemble Oreos—black on the outside and with a creamy inner filling. Also, one note to those who are not Mormon but who plan to attend such breakfasts: while ward/neighborhood breakfasts are often advertised as "opened to all comers," there is no reason to worry that the Mormons will mess up on the coffee. That is because there won’t be any.

Many Mormons attend a flag raising ceremony in the morning as well. It may be part of the breakfast. If done right, it will include the Scouts marching around pretending that they actually know what they are doing, a presentation of the flag, and testimony-like moment when somebody (often an old duffer) says a word or two or ten thousand about the merits of the founding fathers and the great blessing it is to live in the United States. (Of course, the usual caveat applies to this use of "United States," meaning not including Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, Guam, Marshall Islands, Northern Mariana Islands, or American Samoa.) It might also provide an opportunity to say a little something about current politics, meaning a subtle or overt dig at Democrats and a hurrah for the Republicans. The ceremony will include a few songs, usually the National Anthem and maybe the song many confuse for the National Anthem--“I’m Proud to Be an American.” The ceremony will end with the Pledge of Alligence.

The Fourth of July is prime time to wear patriotic clothing, meaning the colors of the flag. Often this can be quite an ensemble, but it doesn’t need to be. It can be something as simple as a t-shirt with a picture of the flag. The flag t-shirt—often made in China—might include text like “God Bless America.” More and more, the text says something like “Old Navy.”

July the Fourth will also most likely provide an opportunity to attend a barbeque. Of course, the barbeque will have things like hamburgers, hot dogs, and maybe chicken or steak. You can also expect to have chips and watermelon. This year, you may have noticed Mormon men--particularly older Mormon men--eating more of their share of the watermelon. This may be because just days prior to the Fourth, a group of scientists unveiled a most important medical finding: watermelon has similar effects as Viagra (which is also probably a Mormon favorite, but this is the last you will hear of it on this blog). After all, holiday or not, Mormons enjoy saving a buck or a pill as much (and usually more) than the next guy.

The barbeque will also have homemade ice cream. Mormons love homemade ice cream. It provides two things that Mormons cherish. First, it is homemade. Mormons love homemade stuff. There is no other explanation for the prevalence of wheat grinders among Mormons. Second, homemade ice cream is ice cream and Mormons love ice cream. The equation is simple: homemade + ice cream = happy Mormon.

Mormon communities happily celebrate Independence Day. In bigger towns and cities, you can expect parades with marching bands, old cars, and smelly horses. In smaller towns, you might find rodeos with mutton bustin’, old trucks, and smelly horses.

Most Mormons who celebrate the Fourth will watch fireworks. This might something as simple as watching a neighborhood display in the cul-de-sac. However, it often is something much more extravagant and involved, like attending a municipal firework display. While the United States has many scenic places to watch fireworks, like the Mall in Washington, D.C. or near the Statue of Liberty, for Mormons, the place to be is the Stadium of Fire in Provo, Utah. One year in the 1980s, Donny Osmond was flown in by helicopter with purple socks and all. This year it was hosted by famous Mormon Glenn Beck and featuring Hanna Montana and the Blue Men Group. You might ask, why the Blue Men? Simple, Mormons two favorite patriotic colors are BYU’s school colors (blue and white) and by any account the category of “White Men” is adequately covered at Provo’s Stadium of Fire.

This year Beck got things rolling by listing the great places he has celebrated the Fourth, after which he said, “I mean it with every fiber of my being. There is no place like being here on the Fourth of July. You are incredible people.” With that he put on a BYU hat, and the crowd went nuts because they know that when a Mormon means something with every fiber of his or her being, he or she leaves no fiber with any question or ambiguity.

As the ooohhs and aaahhs of the fireworks fade, Mormons are glad to have celebrated the Fourth. And while a year might seem far away, Mormons will take heart because this was only a warm up. They will be up and at it again on July 24^th when Mormons celebrate Pioneer Day—the day Brigham Young entered the Salt Lake Valley sick with Rocky Mountain Fever and declared “This is the place.” The place for what you ask? At least in July, the place for parades, fireworks, watermelon, flag shirts, homemade ice cream, and people so happy to be part of it all, they can hardly see straight.

* Although this is not meant to be a life blog, I note that this past weekend my family and I were in a car accident (literally we did brodies on a crowded interstate). Gratefully, we are unharmed. My sister-in-law's car is a little dented, but given the drama we could have experienced, that is nothing. We are all so happy to be alive and well that this July we can hardly see straight. I thank God that I lived to post this blog. Our safety is literally nothing short of a miracle, and Mormons like miracles.