Articles of Faith for Mo Culture (1-4)

Joseph Smith wrote up the Articles of Faith for the Mormon Church as a thoughtful response to a letter from a newspaper publisher inquiring about the church's beliefs. Today, Mormons still rely on the same explanations to define and differentiate their beliefs.

In fact, Mormons teach their kids to sing them. This not only teaches the children these principles but also, honestly, introduces the children to simple yet annoying melodies. Some Mormon congregations may even teach the children some rudimentary sign language as actions to these songs.

A while back, I proposed an article of faith to explain an aspect of Mormon culture. One of the commenters to that post suggested I come up with twelve more. At the time, I thought it was a pretty good idea. It has taken me a while to get around to it, but here are the first four--three of them new and one old. I hope to post nine more over the next couple of weeks.

1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marking.

2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.

3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice all casseroles can be saved—though obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.

4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole—that is, if you have it.