Mormons Like Cream

I have mentioned before that to keep their sanity, Mormons often resort to finding loopholes in the Word of Wisdom (a Mormon health and diet code). Fortunately for Mormons, creams constitute a significant loophole. While I am sure that there are others, let's focus on two of the biggies cream has to offer.

Ice cream. Some have claimed--not me--that Utah is the ice cream capital of the world. Unfortunately, Le Mars, Iowa (home of Blue Bunny Ice Cream) has officially secured trademark on the term "ice cream capital of the world," so those who sing Utah's ice cream praises too loudly can soon expect to have their sorry butts dragged off to court. But still, the registered trademark did not keep Blue Bunny from essentially conceding that as far as eating ice cream, Utah reigns supreme. It did so when it opened an ice cream factory in St. George, Utah. You see, the marketers at Blue Bunny saw the plain truth: Mormons are total ice cream sluts. In the Mormon mind, ice cream is a beautiful thing: many creams are cold but few are frozen.

Cream of mushroom and cream of chicken soup. First, it probably deserves noting in their own right the very words "cream of chicken soup" are fun to say. Second, and more importantly, these creamy soups deserve credit for making casseroles what they are to the Mormon potluck. These soups literally bring together the disparate parts--the celery, sausages, rice, and bread crumbs--into a single gooey and delicious whole. And, it can't be denied: cream of mushroom or chicken soup is the very thing that puts the fun into funeral potatoes. I mean it, show me a recipe in a ward cookbook in the "dinner" section without cream of mushroom or chicken soup that isn't either cooked on the grill or crock pot, and I will show you one of three things: a misprint, a failed attempt at a practical joke, or a Mormon cultural apostate.