Needed I'll Build You a Rainbow Therapy

I recently watched I'll Build You a Rainbow again. I say "again" because my parents inflicted the filmstrip on me some years ago. It was terrible. I bawled my eyes out. As far as tearjerkers go and from a kid's perspective, it ranks up there with Where the Red Fern Grows and Snoopy, Come Home. Because it devastated me as a child, I was honestly nervous to watch it again after all these years. But, my therapist suggested that it might actually help me get over it, so did it.

For those of you who have not seen it, I envy you that. While I do not recommend that you watch it and would certainly caution you not to show it to anyone under the age of twenty-five under any circumstances. Here it is. Be careful with it. It could be a powerful tool in the wrong hands--this much I learned from experience.

While my second viewing did nothing to change my mind about calling this filmstrip a tearjerker, it is not nearly as brutal as I remembered it. I fault most of this to the fact that there are number of common misconceptions of the filmstrip hanging around out there. Somehow my memory of the filmstrip had incorporated a number of these misconceptions. As a public service, let me clear up the record.

Fact: Jamie's mom is pretty great. She road bikes with him, spent time with him, and even was the football star of the Jamie's neighborhood.

Common Misconception: The narrator of the film never said, "Jamie's mom kicked butt--big time." The filmstrip does not assert that she only feeds Jamie vegetables when they are contained in jell-o or smothered in ranch dressing or contained in jell-o and then smothered in ranch dressing. And, she never beat up one of the neighbor's dads at a little league baseball game.

Fact: Jamie's mom call's him "Big J." She does this not because he is big but because he has a big heart.

Common Misconception: She does not call him "Big J" because he needed to have a cool motorbike gang name if Jamie was going to ride in the sidecar of her Harley.

Fact: The chorus of the theme music of the film strip goes like this:

I'll build you a rainbow, way up high above.
Send down a sunbeam, plumb full of love.
Sprinkle down raindrops, teardrops of joy.
I'll be happy as springtime, watching over my boy.

Common Misconception: The chorus does not go like this:

I'll build you a rainbow, ten thousand feet high.
Send you down crashing, from way up in the sky.
Listen to this music, teardrops will flow.
This is even worse than The Cipher in the Snow.

Fact: The secret that she tells Jamie at the end of the film is that families can be together forever.

Common Misconception: She does not tell Jamie her secret fried chicken recipe. Rather, she told that secret to her uncle--a Colonel with wee beady eyes and a smug look on his face. He then turned around made a fortune selling it to others (including Jamie) because the chicken recipe includes an addictive chemical that makes ya crave the it fortnightly.

Mormons Like/Will Like Susan Boyle

If you have not already seen it, you should check out this clip from Britain's Got Talent. I know, however, there is a fair chance that you are among the 30 million others who have already watched Susan Boyle's performance.

Up to this point, this blog has cataloged those things that Mormons like. My approach has been pointing out the familiar and often the obvious.

I am going out on a limb here. In saying that Mormons like or will like Susan Boyle, I am telling you something nobody has pointed out yet. In doing so, there is a risk involved because I may be wrong about Susan Boyle's performance. However, the risk is not too grave because the probability that anyone would care that I was wrong is not very great and the probability that I would care if they did is even more slim.

So, here are a few reasons why I think that Mormons like or will like Susan Boyle's performance. There might be more, but this is a start.

• Mormons love the stories about the imprudence of judging a book by its cover, but her story is better than that. She is the Old Violin, Mr. Kruger living alone with her cat, and the lonely woman waiting by the mailbox all rolled up in one.
• She looks like somebody you might see at church, but she can really sing--a rare combination indeed. I have said before, Mormons have heard much more of their share of bad music. When someone who looks to have come straight from the Relief Society comes out and belts out a song like she does, it truly is a relief for Mormon society.
  
• Susan Boyle's performance provides a great springboard for drawing gospel-related analogies. Her sharing her music, of course, is like church members sharing the Gospel. Her unflappable composure in the face of a jeering crowd is just as a reminder to look past the things of the world. Her reference to her cat Pebbles is like... like... er... really great, and I am sure full of symbolic meaning too.
• In the Internet video of her performance (between 4 minutes even and 4 minutes and 5 seconds to be precise), Simon Cowell looks like a baby smiling due to gas. Mormons love it when babies smile even if it is just gas.
  
• Her performance changed the mind of the audience, the judges, and presumably most of the people watching her video on the Internet. Mormons like it when optimism and gumption overcomes cynicism and timidity.
  

* Back to the obvious: Funeral potatoes out of the blue says, "I know you need potatoes, cream of mushroom soup, and cheese--even on days that people don't die." If you liked this brief thought, I suggest you subscribe to my tweets on Twitter.

Some Blog Highlights

I have mentioned before, the best part of my blog are the comments people leave. A close second for me are some of the random ways that people find my blog—something that up to this point I have kept to myself. Consider a few classic searches:

Search query: "sign language" mayonnaise

Commentary: This is an essential of Mormon emergency preparedness. A Mormon can never be too careful in assuring access to mayo. It is the keystone of the Mormon diet. This goes a long way in explaining the following query of another vistor to my blog: "does lasagna have mayonnaise." But, be warned there are Mormon cultural apostates lurking out there on the Internet. What else would explain the search “miracle whip mormons”?

Search query: decorating church gyms for a wedding

Commentary: The real trick here is getting what to do with the basketball net and stopping those accustomed to playing church ball on the court from talking smack to the bride's parents.

Some searches take the form of questions. Many of these questions provide insights into what people think about Mormons. Some of these I read as nothing less as a plea for help.

Search query: are all mormon men dentists?

Answer: Beware of absolutes. Of course, not all Mormon men are dentists—even if it seems like it. But, all dentists are Mormons.

Search query: can you fry mayonnaise?

Answer: Not in this life anyways—otherwise this would be a staple of Ward potlucks. There has to be something left for the next life. This does not mean that you should not attempt to do it though. Remember though, I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth eating it—even if your attempts are technically failures.

Search query: do lds like old navy

Answer: There is nothing funny about this. However, 41 visits to my blog came through this search string. So, let me just put desperate searchers out of their misery and tell you that yes Mormons like it. This is particularly the case when it is time to buy matching shirts and khakis for family photos.

Search query: do mormons eat ice cream

Answer: Not always. Sometimes Mormons fast or sleep.

Peeps of Mormon

Mormons looking for something to do with those extra packages of Peeps should click here.

A Birthday Gift from the Paper

It is no secret that in the past I have had a pretty nasty spat with The Paper--aka, BYU's Daily Universe. (Those of you too new to this blog to know about this long standing conflict, I invite you to examine this and this.)

And, before I share the news, let me also admit that I have had more than my share of typos on this blog. (Of course, however, my own typos have not stopped me from pointing out the typos of others when they add to my personal amusement.)

With that as a back drop, let tell you that somebody at The Paper really went overboard in celebrating my blog's first birthday. In passing this on, let me say I appreciate the discomfort and embarrassment that those at The Paper must feel. The gift is detailed in this article below. As you read, I ask you to put yourself in the unfortunate position of those working at The Paper.

While this story has found its way to many sources now, none are as reputable as The Other Paper (aka Provo's Daily Herald). So, put on your typo seat belt (because this one hurt) and enjoy!

Headline: BYU newspapers recalled over spelling mix-up
Ace Stryker - Daily Herald

PROVO -- At Brigham Young University, accidentally labeling Mormon leaders "apostates" is no laughing matter.

All 18,500 issues of the Daily Universe were pulled Monday from shelves around campus after it was realized that's exactly what happened. A photo caption on the front page inadvertently described a group of men pictured as members of the "Quorum of the Twelve Apostates," rather than "Apostles," the correct name of a governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

The papers were replaced with corrected copies later in the day.

University spokeswoman Carri Jenkins said the typo, which replaced the intended word with a virtual antonym, was an "honest mistake" and that no university or church administrator has sought to punish those responsible for the blunder. She said the problem is being handled internally by newspaper and Department of Communications staff.

"This is extremely rare," Jenkins said. "The focus today has been how and why the error occurred and what we can do to make sure that this does not happen again."

In a written statement, Brad Rawlins, chairman of the school's Communications Department, said the mistake was the product of human error not caught in a regular pre-publication review.

"No disrespect to our church leaders was intended," he said. "The Daily Universe is a student laboratory, and, while this fact does not excuse errors of this magnitude, it does mean that we go through a continuous learning and improvement process in order to enhance the quality of what we do."

According to a BYU Newsnet article posted Monday, the error occurred as a copy editor was conducting an automatic spell check through the page's contents. The editor replaced a misspelled version of the intended word with the computer's first suggestion -- in this case, "apostate."

Jenkins said this is the second time in recent history the paper has been recalled. Years ago, copies were pulled because poor print quality rendered some of the text illegible, she said.



* I think that there is an object lesson in there somewhere. I would love to hear what you think the object lesson is. Regardless, I imagine that this is one that we won't hear at Conference.

We Have a Winner -- a Tribute to CTR

CTR when a vote is placed before you.
In Mo Madness, CTR wins;
And the mo-dar is forever pinging o'er you,
Special initials that ward off sins.
CTR! CTR!
You are a precious acronym.
In this light, you're a star!
You are the reason I wrote this hymn.

CTR! It beat things like fry sauce.
It overcame the mighty minivan.
It served fiber of my being a loss;
CTR pings the mo-dar like nothing else can.
CTR! CTR!
Not hands that prepared this meal.
In its light, you went far!
Mos love those initials and the shiny green shield.

* Today this blog had its first birthday. I am not sure where if anywhere this blog will head next. I need to give it some thought. But, Happy Birthday Blog!

Mo Madness -- Choose the Winner

Mo Madness started with sixty-four elements of Mormon culture. We are down to two. It is CTR vs. The Hands the Prepared This Meal.

In the last round, in the comments section one person actually had the nerve to grouse that CTR should be eliminated because the Mormon brain is programmed to choose CTR. The petty comment was something along these lines: "I wonder if CTR should be eliminated. It seems so unfair that Mormons are taught at a young to choose the right when the choice is placed before them. Given this, is it any surprise that when you say, 'Hey Mormons, what to you choose, the right or funeral potatoes?" that they choose the right?'"

Despite the fact that this last minute scandal threatens to taint the entire Mo Madness competition and despite the fact that I was actually one that posted the grousing comment, I encourage you to vote for which ever element you think is right and let the consequence follow. To do so, click here.